Late Night Yuks about Immigration: Letterman, Leno, More!

“They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a native American, that number is more like 300 million.”

- David Letterman

*****

“Arizona signed the toughest illegal immigration law in the country, which would allow the police to demand identification papers from anyone they suspect is in the country illegally. I know there are some people in Arizona worried that Obama is acting like Hitler, but can we all agree that there’s nothing more Nazi than saying, ‘Show me your papers?’ There’s never been a WWII movie that didn’t include the line, ‘Show me your papers.’ It’s their catchphrase. Every time someone says ‘Show me your papers,’ Hitler’s family gets a residual check. So heads up Arizona, that’s fascism. I know, I know, it’s a dry fascism, but it’s still fascism.”

— Seth Meyers, on Saturday Night Live’s “Weekend Update”

*****

“As you know, Arizona recently passed the toughest anti-immigration bill in American history. The idea behind this bill is to drive illegal immigrants out of Arizona and back to their homeland of Los Angeles.”

– Jay Leno

*****

“I called the governor’s office in Arizona today, and the recorded message said press one for English, press two for English, press three for English.”

– Jay Leno

*****

“Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer signed the nation’s toughest anti-immigration bill into law. It’s unbelievable. It makes it a crime as a state law to be in the country illegally. It lets police question anyone about their status. You know what this means? Rich people in Arizona may have to start raising their own children now.”

— Jay Leno

*****

“It’s an unbelievable law. And it’s already starting to backfire. Today, a group of Native Americans pulled over a bunch of white guys and said, ‘Let’s see your papers.’”

— Jay Leno

*****

“Arizona’s Governor had been stalling, you know, on signing this. She said it did not reflect any ambivalence about the bill. She just wanted to make sure her pool was clean and her lawn was mowed before she signed.”

— Bill Maher

*****

“Arizona is the meth lab of democracy.”

— Jon Stewart

*****

“Arizona has passed the strictest immigration bill in American history. A hundred people have been stopped already — and that was just in one van.”

– Jay Leno